


A breath of desert air

by the_winterfloof_17



Series: Brightest Blue ever seen [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Bucky Barnes, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25599574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_winterfloof_17/pseuds/the_winterfloof_17
Summary: Tony always knew that someone or something was following him, even before Afghanistan happened. He didn't know who or what it was but he had a feeling. Every time he saw the Winter Soldier, there were mixed feelings there. He would appear when Tony needed him and hated him. It confused Tony because he really wished the Soldier didn't disappear.He always kicked himself for thinking the Soldier would stay.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Series: Brightest Blue ever seen [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855435
Comments: 5
Kudos: 274





	A breath of desert air

**Author's Note:**

> This series and these works are all inspired by different song lyrics, please enjoy.

_Everything is heightened now  
It's looking so much brighter now  
I was lost and now I'm found_

Brightest Blue - Ellie Goulding  
….

The first time that Tony was kidnapped, he was maybe four or five, he was walking outside the mansion alone, by the sidewalk. He was playing with a screwdriver while walking, not paying attention to a van following him before he was picked up. And when those kidnappers demanded that Howard pay the ransom, even as a five year old, Tony didn’t have high expectations for Howard. When Howard refused, those kidnappers would record videos of beating Tony until he couldn’t walk and his vision was blurry with tears.

Tony was a genius though, even if Howard didn’t want to accept it, even if he broke the circuit boards Tony would make to show Howard. Or the robotic dog he made once before Howard stomped on it. He remembered how he was able to grab the kidnapper’s keys, unlock the door, and run out. At the moment, he didn’t even care whether they were shooting at him or not. Or if he was hurt, the adrenaline kept him going until he made it outside. He was able to make it home in one piece, ignoring the way Jarvis and Ana would hug him and cry over him when he made it back to the mansion. He ignored how Maria was too sedated by the drugs to even notice he was gone or how Howard didn’t care at all. 

Sometimes Tony wondered whether Howard truly loved him, maybe this was his way of showing Tony he loved him. Whether it was yelling at him to not touch anything or hit him when he said something he shouldn’t have. But Tony would never know, and he never bothered to ask anyone. He remembered when he first saw the shadow figure, it was when he was walking home from school. Howard didn’t feel like sending a car for Tony and told him to walk home by himself. By then Tony was about nine, and he was walking home. He decided to stop in Central park, admire the trees, the very bright blue sky, and the fluffy clouds. 

Tony remembered he was laying down, staring at the clouds, wishing they would float down and take him away, leading him to another place maybe. He sometimes imagined that the clouds were circuit boards or robots, or maybe even equations if he wanted. Anyway, he was watching the clouds, eating a few pretzels before he heard movement, far away but loud enough he could hear them. Tony had his eyes closed and heard as footsteps were heard on the soft green grass, and he opened his eyes. Standing before him was the Winter Soldier, but Tony didn’t know that then, but he did, of course, remember the arm. It was a metal arm, shining in the sunlight as the Soldier stared down at him. Tony didn’t really know why at the time, they were both staring at each other, it was quiet, but not awkward. 

Tony remembered holding out his small hand, introducing himself as just Tony, not Tony Stark, not Antonio Stark. No, just Tony, a nine year old who was in middle school already. He remembered when the Soldier cocked his head to the side in confusion, the mask only showing his eyes. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, looking at Tony in confusion. Howard and Maria always made sure that Tony at least had some manners, so when Tony stuck out his hand, waiting to shake, the only thing he got was that the Soldier was an Asset and a nod. 

He remembered asking the Soldier if he wanted to lay beside Tony and watch the clouds, secretly he was expecting the Soldier to laugh. Instead, he got a curt nod and the Soldier lay next to him. Tony didn’t question it, didn’t question the gear, the guns the Soldier was carrying or why he had a mask. No, Tony just let it be, he learned to not question anything in those days. There were questions he had in his head but knew asking them would cause a frenzy with the Soldier. The Soldier may have been a grown adult but for a nine year old always being alone, Tony was happy that someone was willing to sit with him. Even if it was for a mere second or two or even five minutes. When Tony closed his eyes again, the presence of the Soldier was gone when he opened them again, this time not even hearing footsteps or movement. After that day, Tony didn’t question anything out of the ordinary, instead he kept quiet about it, never asking why or who the Soldier was. 

Now here he was, laying on the ground, after a missile hit the trucks, after a missile by Stark Industries hit him. He didn’t know why he was recalling these memories now but maybe it made sense since he was facing the very bright blue sky again. His vision was blurry but he was sure that he saw a few puffy white clouds in the sky, along with smoke filling the air. If this was one way to die, then it was ok to stop breathing, to let the darkness spread across his vision.

In fact though, he did not expect to be passing in and out consciousness while something was being cut into his sternum, or tweezers pulling something away from his heart. He didn’t know who was screaming, and who was pushing him back down onto the table. Later on, Tony realized that it was him who was screaming, who was being shoved back down again and again. Tony wasn’t alone in the cave, thankfully, which made it easier for him to understand what was going on. His name was Yinsen, he had a family waiting for him to come home while Tony didn’t have anyone. Ok, maybe he had Pepper and Rhodey and Obie but were they really family? Maybe Obie was, considering Tony looked up to him when he was in his twenties, after Howard and Maria died. He wondered if any of them would miss him if he died here, in a cave. Would they mourn, cry? Grieve for him? Tony didn’t want this to be the end of his legacy, he wanted to go out with a bang, have explosions happen, have fireworks in the sky for him. 

That’s when Tony decided, no this wasn’t going to be the way his legacy ended, no, this was not the end of Tony Stark. People assumed many things, like how he was selfish, a narcissist, a playboy, billionaire. Everything they assumed about him wasn’t entirely wrong but Tony was gonna make sure that he got out of that cave, and to make sure Yinsen got back to his family. Even when Ten Rings shoved him into a cold, slightly dirty bucket of water, electrocuting himself in the process, Tony refused to give up. A part of him wanted to but at the same time, Tony was determined to live. That’s how he was able to design a miniature arc reactor, using scraps of metal, with all the determination he could muster. 

Of course, there were nights where Tony believed it would be the end, and maybe that is why he remembered his first memory of the Soldier, the _Asset_. He wondered where the Soldier was now, perhaps on a mission, or sitting and thinking about Tony. He knew it was ridiculous to think that way, because at any moment he could simply be dragged back to the water or be shot on sight. But Tony wanted to at least remember that memory, imagining himself laying down on the grass, looking up at the sky. The Soldier next to him, not showing emotion but just staring with Tony. 

He had dreams where they would sit on the grass, looking up at the stars, look at the Big Dipper, or a comet passing by. Tony smiled softly as he sat in the dark, hearing Yinsen’s heavy breathing as he was sleeping. The cave was quiet except for the rustling and shuffling of the guards’ feet outside of the door. Tony knew he was being watched by that stupid camera in the corner but he did’t care. Let them know that whatever they did couldn’t break him. Fuck them. 

After that night, it kept Tony calm, the days passed by after that, making and creating a suit out of scraps. Yinsen jokingly pointed out that the suit was definitely not the Jericho Missile. Tony laughed at that, knowing fully well that Ten Rings would be coming soon to check in. When they came in, guns pointed in their direction, demanding what Tony made, it didn’t scare him anymore. When they left, Tony continued to make the suit, the smell of metal and gasoline filling the air. All of it made Tony not want to give up yet, not yet at least. 

When they assembled the suit, Tony was counting the number of steps it took to get them out of the cave, 21 steps, 16 steps, and the sun would shine on them again. His heart was beating loudly in his ears, hands slightly shaking as Yinsen helped put the armor on. Was it really armour though? Maybe it was, but Tony saw it as a way to get out, get away from Ten Rings, and get Yinsen safely home. It didn’t matter what he thought of it, just as long as he could see Pepper’s beautiful smile or feel Rhodey’s strong hugs again. 

Of course nothing ever went to plan, which Tony hated but luck wasn’t always on his side. So when Yinsen helped Tony get out, becoming injured in the process, Tony refused to let him die, didn’t want to. He won’t admit it to anyone else, but in that moment Tony wasn’t selfish, didn’t want to be, remembering that saying soldiers said; “no man left behind.” He knew that Ten Rings would be coming after him but did it matter? The suit wouldn’t hold on for Tony for long, and Yinsen knew that. Tony stared at his eyes, the life slowly leaving them as Yinsen looked back at him. _Don’t waste it, don’t waste your life_. Those were his last words to Tony, and damn, did they stick with him after that. 

Don’t waste it. Don’t waste your life. Don’t waste it, don’t. Tony murmured those words over and over again, as he walked closer and closer to the outside world. Anger fueled him as bullets were fired, banging against the metal. He waited until they were finished when he used the blow torches, blowing fire in every direction. While doing that, he did his best to burn the very thing that got him here in the first place. He destroyed all the weapons with his name on it, watching as they burned slowly, he continued doing it, letting the anger out, burning them all. 

Tony pressed the red button, flying away, hearing the explosions loud and clear, and smelling smoke already. What he didn’t expect was to be flying into the air before falling flat into sand. Tony looked around, dazed and blinking away the sand in his eyes. Pushing away the metal pieces, he stood up, groaning as the arc reactor compressed against his lungs and heart. He looked around, thankful that he was alive, but also sad. Sad that Yinsen wasn’t here with him, he should be here. He should be standing next to Tony, patting him on the back for getting them out of the cave. Don’t waste it. Don’t waste your life. After that, Tony was walking in the desert, losing count of the days he was walking in. At the moment, Tony knew only two things, he was hungry, and he was thirsty. The scorching sun burned his skin as he walked, tripping in the sand and finally, finally falling into it. 

Tony looked up, seeing the sky, it wasn’t a bright blue but it was blue. Tony sighed, relishing in the sun shining on him, feeling the heat spread across his face and body. All he had on was a ripped pair of pants and tank top, not really protecting him from the sun other than the worn out leather jacket. He decided that whatever happens next, he would accept it. That would mean he would lay in the sand and just watch the clouds for a little while. Tony closed his eyes, slowly relaxing and breathing in and out calmly. When he opened his eyes, he was staring back up at a figure. A figure in black gear, a silver arm blinding Tony, and a mask and goggles looking down at him. 

Tony blinked a few times, making sure he wasn’t hallucinating or his vision was messed up. The Soldier looked at him curiously, before sitting down. “I know you.” He simply said, looking at Tony. It surprised Tony that he would remember him, it had been so long since that day in Central park. Tony simply nodded, words stuck in his throat as the Soldier laid next to him, looking up at the sky, somehow the sky was a very bright blue sky now. The clouds were there now, but it looked as if the sky was brighter magically, though Tony didn’t believe in magic. 

Magic itself was like making fun of everything that had to do with science, any kind of science really. It didn’t make sense and would break the laws of science because ya know, it’s magic. For now though, Tony didn’t care, if he was dead and he was seeing the Soldier, then this was ok. 

“My name is Tony.” He said, meeting the Soldier’s eyes, the Soldier nodded before looking back up at the sky. Tony wished he had a camera, so he could take a picture of him and the Soldier, because they both looked peaceful. He brushed his hand over the leather of the vest, feeling the Soldier’s muscles tense up beneath his fingers. Tony wondered if the Soldier cut one sleeve off in order to have the metal arm fit. Tony was too exhausted to really ask any questions, closing his eyes again, and trying to ignore the pain of the sunburns he had or the thrumming of the arc reactor.

Tony mentally kicked himself when he opened them, noticing how he was alone again. He looked to the side again, noticing only the outline of where the Soldier once was. But there were no footprints left behind in the sand. It annoyed Tony how the Soldier was able to just disappear in a snap, leaving nothing behind, or no one to follow. That’s what made Tony get up, keep moving through the many hills of the desert, until he was ready to pass out. Luck was back on his side again though, when he heard the sounds of helicopters approaching him. Tony shouted, waving his arms in the air like a lunatic to get their attention. 

Before passing out, Tony remembered Rhodey shouting for him, running towards him. He could’ve sworn that he saw a figure with a silver arm peeking behind one of the helicopters before walking away.  
….

The next time that Tony sees the Soldier, it’s after Obie and Pepper leave. It’s after everything that has happened, a mess in Tony’s opinion. It’s after Tony decides that Stark Industries will no longer make weapons for the world or the Army. Tony is sitting in his workshop at the mansion in Malibu, trying to figure out how to work the boots and the repulsors so far. The recordings that he had Jarvis make showed what was wrong with the boots or the balance of the repulsors. All of it was just making Tony more exhausted, and also made him regret doing that flight test even though Jarvis said the suit wasn’t ready. 

Tony is sitting on the main floor of the mansion, looking over at the crushed piano and the hole in the floor as he holds an ice pack to his head. He had opened the gift Pepper had given him, it was the original model of the arc reactor in a glass container saying _Tony Stark has a Heart_. He smiled, loving the idea that Pepper had since he originally wanted her to destroy it. He laid against the edge of the couch, closing his eyes to calm the pounding headache he had after the fall. He was so focused on the headache, he didn’t even hear the sound of quiet footsteps approaching him. 

Tony opened his eyes, looking sideways to the Soldier. The Soldier looked back at him, the mask still on but his eyes trained on Tony. Tony realized then that the Soldier’s eyes were silver grey or maybe a pale blue? “Котенок, you look tired.” The Soldier said, stroking his hair as Tony moved closer, smelling gunpowder and blood on the Soldier. He wanted to remember all of this the best he could while the Soldier was still here for two more seconds. They weren’t outside though like the first two times, but the lights were dim, allowing Tony and the Soldier to see the stars in the sky. 

He closed his eyes, this time expecting the Soldier to be gone in mere seconds. Instead, the Soldier moved closer, letting Tony lean on his shoulder. “I must be alive for a reason, right?” Tony asked, not really expecting the Soldier to not respond. “Котенок, you must live.” He could hear the heavy accent the Soldier had, Russian maybe? The words made Tony feel warmth spread through him, perhaps maybe the Soldier was right. Tony nodded, closing his eyes this time for good, exhaustion over taking him, and when he woke up in bed, he didn’t question it. 

….

_When I ordered the hit on you, I worried that I was killing the golden goose. But, you see, it was just fate that you survived that._

_You had one last golden egg to give._

_Did you really think that just because you have an idea, it belongs to you?_

Tony gasped as Obie’s words sunk in, the feeling of the claws pulling the arc reactor out of his chest. Sweat drenched his shirt as Tony fell to his knees, slowly crawling towards the elevator. His vision blurred as he slammed the button to go down, trying to steady himself on the railing of the elevator. Once the elevator arrived at the workshop, Tony struggled to stand, trying to walk without falling, (which failed). He gasped as he fell back onto his knees, struggling to get to the reactor on his desk. He was almost there, almost there, just a few steps more. Tony grabbed for it as he stood, almost there, almost there, but then his legs gave out again. He collapsed against the desk, the cold metal calming down his hot, sweaty skin. 

He panted, trying to calm down, trying to slow down the progress of the shrapnel pieces moving towards his heart. He squeezed his eyes shut, thoughts running through his head, maybe this was it. Maybe this was how he was supposed to fulfill his purpose in the world. He’d created new technology and stopped weapons being created. Tony thought that this was ok, good enough for him as long as the world was safe. 

A hand touched his shoulder softly, jolting Tony out of his thoughts, struggling to look up at who the person was. Standing before him was the Soldier, his rifle peeking out over his shoulder. The Soldier had a frown on his face, staring down at Tony with the arc reactor in his metal hand. The Soldier held out the arc reactor towards Tony, who gratefully took it, trying to sit up to put it in. The Soldier helped him, pulling him in an upright position, guiding Tony’s shaking hands to his chest. Tony gasped as the arc reactor hummed to life, stopping the shrapnel from moving to his heart. 

Tony gripped the Soldier’s hand tightly, breathing in heavily as his heart beat went back to normal. He turned his head slightly towards the Soldier, those pale blue eyes staring back at him. He couldn’t tell if the Soldier was showing emotion but it didn’t matter. “Котенок, be careful.” Tony tried smiling, failing to but trying. This time when the Soldier disappeared, Tony’s eyes were open, and well, he still didn’t quite understand how the Soldier got away so fast. 

….

Tony knew that when he told Pepper to turn on the circuits at full capacity, there was a chance that he would die. But Tony was calm about it, he and Death were quite familiar with each other now. The encounters Tony had were now way too often with Death but he hoped this was it. If it wasn’t, then he didn’t know what he would do after that. He moved quickly as Obie moved to aim the small missiles at him, luckily Obie had terrible aim so Tony moved quickly. 

It was when Obie managed to aim at the glass roof that Tony was holding onto the metal beams of the rooftop, or what was left of it. When he was holding on, he stopped for a second, just a second, to look up at the sky, it was a beautiful dark sky, full of stars. At that moment, Tony felt relaxed, even though he shouldn’t be, and he noticed a flicker of movement in the corner of his eye. He saw a flash of silver metal move before it was gone, but not before shooting Obie at least once. 

When Obie was distracted by it, Tony shouted at Pepper to press the button, feeling the bolts of electricity force him to go flying. Obie shouted before collapsing through the roof, falling to his demise at the bottom. Tony landed on his back, head pounding as his vision blurred. He could hear Pepper calling his name, the voice coming closer but all he could hear was _breathe Kotenok_. For once, Tony actually listened to someone for once in his life, slowly breathing as his eyes closed finally.

**Author's Note:**

> Translation:
> 
> котенок: Kitten/kitty


End file.
